as my nemesis, oprah, closes out her show (props to her for being successful and all. whatever.) i thought i'd take a page from her book. sadly the page i take won't be running a marathon in 4hrs (credit, where credit is due). she always does this crazy give away show, which i have never seen, but hear plenty about. so if i had a bunch of money, an obscene amount of influence and the entire top floor of a downtown chicago high rise, what would i give you?
- every episode of 30 Rock, so you could laugh with me instead of reminding me that i am a total nerd
- your choice: vibram five-fingers or crocs, because no matter how ugly they, like broccoli, are good for ya'. also, it would be really cool to see a whole bunch of people walking around wearing either of them, without shame or irony
- a prime rib, as made by mr. mooklettes. i don't know how he'd feel about having you all over for dinner, but honestly you have not lived until you have had his prime rib...
- a copy of Food Matters, by Mark Bittman. after that prime rib, you're gonna need to be a "lessmeatatarian" like I am.
- a comfy sweatshirt: nothing screams sexy like the sight of me in my 20 year old Loyola sweatshirt with holes and frayed cuffs. you should be able to rock that look, too. (bonus, add in flannel pj bottoms and my crocs. i KNOW, hot, huh?)
- ivory liquid: it's not just for dishes. guaranteed most dependable bath bubble for all your soaking needs
- steel cut oats in a five pound bag: sure to induce guilt over not giving your body enough whole grains. tasty, too.
- now this one is really personal: a big case of Hefeweizen (and not the crap from costco). just the thought of giving beer away makes me weepy, but it is important to share. spare me the "i can't see through this beer" comments, grab an orange slice and be quiet.
- your choice (again): my nude portrait (thx Louisa), my boxed set of vintage Erma Bombeck paperbacks(thx Cheryl), my Picasso (yes, it is real, don't ask-long story), or my amazing Polaroid (thx Jen). I can't give them to you, because I'd miss them too much, but you can come over and spend time with them.
- a day off work: on a day when every one else is working. just us, hanging out, shooting the breeze. (what can i say, i'm a giver)
what i really would love to give you is time to play, time to be free from worry and stress, time to enjoy the lives you work so hard for. but, i'm not omnipotent, i'm not oprah!
peace!!
