well, it has been awhile, no? i have been walking around with this particular post forming in my little brain for a bit, but i have needed some time to come to grips with our little lives...
suffering is optional...remember that the first half of that mantra is "pain is inevitable, but..." so, when applied to running, that mantra helped me prevail with a personal record in the hardest half-marathon i have run to date. there were some serious elevation issues that had to be contended with and by mile 11 i was fully ready to just give up. deciding that, though i was in pain, i wasn't gonna suffer helped me prevail and finish in my fastest time, yet.
now, apply this to my life, and i am working toward a good mental place. the mr. has been laid-off and there is no indication that he will be given back his teaching position for the coming school year. i have loved knowing him as a colleague at the same school; he has contributed so much to our school community and the idea of him not being there next year (in addition to the economic reality) is staggering. it absolutely brings me low. but, i've gotta set aside the suffering part and remain shoulder to shoulder with the mr. also, gotta' keep my sense of humor!
in an effort to keep my sense of humor and not lose my ever lovin' mind, i had to make a decision about my own teaching life so that i had some sort of say over my assignment next year. this meant making a hasty decision to teach a new grade in an effort to be spared teaching kinder. look, i'm sure it is lovely, but it just isn't me...i enjoy my preschooler, but i am quite confident, i wouldn't enjoy yours.
this brings me back to pain and suffering. this time, i can't separate the two. i was forced to leave a grade level i am good at teaching and a team of women i really care for. so, for the next few days, i will run and pray and reflect and make some peace with the place in which i find myself...
update: if you just keep moving and walking through things, it gets better. i am already able to see the positives of my new work situation and i am getting ready to start planning a new school year. the mr., himself, has some great ideas- could be exciting!
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